If I ever lost you (a Squirrel x Ash fanfiction)
PROLOGUE She is the fire of the night, glowing softly in the starlight. Her eyes are shining and her flaming pelt is almost white in the light of our glittering ancestors. Grass strokes her paws as she runs, freedom dancing in her eyes as she silently makes her way through the woods. I expect her to stop where he ''waits, but she doesn't. She's running in my direction, muscles rippling and fur sleekly groomed. The night is silent except from the pounding of my heart. "I thought you chose..." my voice is bitter and cracked. A musical purr tells me that I was wrong, and I feel like I am flying. "I chose the cat who was right for me. Brambleclaw is a good friend, but he's just not the cat I think I can spend my life with," she explains. I seek her soft green gaze, and for the first time in moons, she looks straight into my eyes. "What made you realize?" I venture. For the first time, uncertainty flickers in her eyes. "Nothing can ''make ''me realize anything. I made the choice, and now you're going to have to live with it," a teasing reply comforts me. I lick her ear affectionately, keeping her close. "I won't let anything harm you, ''ever," I promise. A quiet hiss tells me that I've said the wrong thing. "You're not protecting me, get it? All I want from you is love. That's all you're getting from me," she explains, calming down. I twitch nervously. "Don't you want kits?" it's a dodgy suggestion, and Squirrelflight isn't too happy with it. "Maybe. But for now, all I want is you," she whispers, and for the first time in my life, I truly feel happy in ThunderClan. Squirrel Leafpaw is waiting for me the heartbeat I get back from the woods. There's a knowing look in her eyes, and even though my first reaction is to protest, I know that I can't keep anything from my sister. "You chose Ashfur, didn't you?" she questions. I nod. "There's no need to look so surprised!" I tease, because it's evident from her expression that this is exactly what she's been expecting. "Sorry," she ducks her head, embarrassed. I cuff her ear lightly. "Don't be sorry, mousebrain! How are things with..." my voice trails away when I see her discomfort. "What's wrong?" I murmur lowly, glancing side to side to check if anyone is listening. Leafpaw has never kept anything from me before, and I need to find out what's she'd been hiding from me. "Nothing," it's so obviously a lie that I don't even feel angry with her. Instead, I lie down by her side and lick her ear slowly. "You can tell me anything," I remind her. She purrs weakly. "Thanks, Squirrelfight, but..." her words are cut off by an impatient yowl. It's my mentor, Dustpelt. Well, my ex-mentor, now. "Hurry up, Squirrelflight. Firestar wants you for a patrol," he commands. With a regretful glance at my sister, I pad out of the den and towards the impatient brown tabby tom. Bramble "Firestar?" I cleared my throat nervously, waiting for a reply. The Clan leader does not emerge from his den. "Firestar, are you there?" I repeat. To my surprise, his answer comes from behind me. "Oh, there you are, Brambleclaw," he mews. I dip my head respectfully, carefully noticing how ruffled and ungroomed his fur looks. His brilliant green eyes look tired, with redness round the edges. It's evident that he hasn't had much sleep for moons. But what could possibly be wrong with him? "I've sent a sunhigh patrol to check the border," I inform him. The ginger tom nods slowly. "Who did you send?" he asks. "Dustpelt, Squirrelflight and Whitepaw," straight away, I can tell that he isn't pleased by my descision. "I asked you not ''to send Squirrelflight and Whitepaw on a patrol; they'll be tired from the moonhigh patrol," he mews. there's a loud snort of amusement from somewhere not far off; Spiderpaw, who has obviously been listening to most of the conversation, is finding this funny. I unsheath my claws and dig them into the ground. It's not funny that I made a mistake, and Spiderpaw has no right to find it so. "Sorry, Firestar," I lower my head. He accepts the apology. "Don't worry, every cat makes mistakes- yes, even you, Brambleclaw! Did you carry out the moonhigh patrol as well?" he asks. A pang of sadness hits me at the memory of the unusual patrol, but I swallow it carefully. Even though Squirrelflight completely ignored me the whole time, and openly stood by Ashfur, I shouldn't let that upset me. Even so, I can't help but feel slightly down about the whole experience. "Yes, Firestar. We found a couple of rogues on our territory, but we drove them off and I doubt they'll be back," to my relief, this pleases him. "That's good, but we can't be too sure. When Whitepaw gets back, could you tell her to keep close to camp for a couple of days, and warn the other apprentices to do the same?" I nod, but my thoughts are still invaded by Squirrelflight, and her open rejection of me. Anger boiling up inside me at the memory of how she acted in the forest, I find it too hard to give a spoken reply. Instead, I quickly nod, before rushing from the den entrance and out of the camp entirely. Ash "Squirrelflight, are you in there?" I call, sitting awkwardly on the dusty ground. The air is thick with the scent of herbs, making it hard for me to detect her scent. "Ashfur, is that you? Are you sick?" a familiar voice calls. To my disappointment, it's not Squirrelflight, but her sister, Leafpaw. "No, I'm just looking for..." my words are cut off by an amused purr, as the light brown tabby pads out of her den and towards me. "Squirrelflight?" "Yes," I admit, my face fur feeling hotter than usual. Leafpaw nods. "She's on sunhigh patrol, but she'll be back later. Why?" the young medicine cat apprentice enquired. I shrug, not meeting her eyes. "I just wanted to check that she's alright," I say. It's not the truth. What I really want to check is whether she's with Brambleclaw - the oh-so-wonderful warrior who named himself surrogate deputy after Graystripe was abducted. During their quest here (which I should have been sent on, not that stuck-up piece of tabby), Brambleclaw fell in love with her. It makes me cringe to even think of it, but I think she loved him back. But they've argued, and if they avoid each other long enough, I think I have a fair chance of winning her heart. Leafpaw is about to reply, when a small gray shape pads up behind her. It's Cinderpelt, the ThunderClan medicine cat. "I dare say she's fine, Ashfur. Now, I'd advise you to go about your duties, unless you happen to be sick," she mews hurriedly. Her pale gray paws are stained slightly red; she's obviously busy. "Sorry, Cinderpelt," I pad slowly away, my thoughts occupied by only one cat. Squirrelflight. Squirrel A small movement makes my ears prick up. Plump and silky, a tiny brown creature is scampering hurriedly across the floor. I crouch, my eyes trained firmly on it. Unsuspecting, the piece of prey scuttles a litte closer towards me. One leap and I'll have it firmly pinned to the floor... "Call that a crouch?" I leap like a frightened starling. A dark tabby tom is watching me closely. "Thank you so ''very ''much much for lessening the fresh kill pile by a mouse. I bet your precious Firestar will be so proud of you!" I explode. The tom narrows his eyes. "Look, Squirrelflight, I don't want to argue, but you've been acting so..." he begins, but Whitepaw interupts nervously. "Um.... Brambleclaw? Do you want something?" she asks quietly. I can tell that he's fighting the tempation to growl at her as he answers; "Whitepaw, Firestar asked me to tell you that you're to stick around camp for a couple of days, and that you should tell the other apprentices to do the same," he mews. Even more angry that before, I push forwards until I'm practically nose to nose with him. "And what makes you think that you can tell her what to do?" the words escape my mouth before I can stop them. "Firestar," is his instant reply. That makes me a dozen times more infuriated. "You seem to have an obsession with powerful cats, don't you? First it's that over-ambitious RiverClan cat, Hawkfrost, and now it's Firestar. If you really cared about me, you'd pay attention to cats that really do care abot you!" I snap. Brambleclaw shakes his head. "I do care about you, Squirrelflight, but that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to have friends. How would you like it, if ''I ''was the only cat you could ever talk to?" he tries to reason with me, but I'm so sick of the way that he treats me that I don't even try to be fair. "I'd hate it, but only because you'd ''still ''ignore me!" I explode, and before he can reply, I leave the patrol and begin a carefully paced run through the shady, protective trees. Maybe, if I can clear my mind, I can work out the chaotic puzzle that is my life. Bramble I stare helplessley after the dark ginger she-cat as she runs deep into the trees. Dustpelt smirks slightly; he's obviously used to this sort of thing. Whitepaw's embarrassment is to evident that I decide to drop the whole subject and move on. "So, did you check the borders?" I ask Dustpelt. "No, we just walked all the way here for the fun of it," he replies dryly. The sleek white she-cat beside him coughs a little. "Yes, Brambleclaw. Everything's okay," she informs me politely. This provokes another snort of amusement from Dustpelt, but he doesn't add anything. "Well, you can both get back to camp, then," I say. Nodding, the two cats begin to pad slowly back in the direction I came from. After waiting till they're out of sight, I'm about to follow them, when there's a loud hiss from behind me. "Hey, Brambleclaw!" I whirl around, snarling. To my surprise, there's no-one there. "Who..." I begin, but my words are cut off as a light gray shape leaps overhead, and lands heavily on my back. Growling, I twist in an attempt to see who it is, but my attacker is fast and I can't see his face. A pair of paws batter my stomach, raking my flank viciously. I give a screech of fury as I lunge for his neck, but my opponent has been expecting this and blocks me effectively. "This is ThunderClan territory!" I hiss, slicing at my attacker's back. He lashes out at me, his anger multiplying visibly. "It's not me that's on another cat's territory!" he hisses. I'm sure I recognize that voice, but I can't remember where from. "This is ThunderClan..." "That's not what I mean!" he lunges for my throat. Enraged, I slash at his flank viciously. There's a satisfying click as I manage to wrestle the tom to the floor, and pin him down. I still can't make out his face. "Agh!" the cat gives a shriek, and I let him go quickly. As he runs from my sight, I triumphantly note a speck of blood on his pale gray coat. However, the cat's defeat wasn't easy. I am quite badly shaken, so I take a deep breath to calm myself. And stop. Can it be...? No, it can't be. Can it? Did my attacker have ThunderClan scent? Ash I limp, keeping my head high, into camp. My coat is smeared with blood. It's my own. My paws are hurting and so is my flank, but that's all part of the plan. Inside, I'm glowing with anticipation of what's going to happen next. The camp is getting dark, so most cats have retreated to their dens for the night. A few still linger here and there, talking lowly. A few are eating by the fresh-kill pile. "Ashfur?" someone exclaims. To my disappointment, it's not Squirrelflight. "Ferncloud!" I pant, staggering slightly. Like the fool she is, my sister gasps. She's fallen for it. "Ashfur, what happened? Were you attacked?" she squeals. A couple of heads turn at her words. "Ashfur, are you okay?" a voice calls. I nod bravely, wincing a little at pain that isn't really there. "Oh, StarClan! Ashfur! You look terrible! What's happened?" my heart skips a beat as the most beautiful she-cat I've ever seen pads up towards me, her eyes glittering with concern. "I'm fine," I answer. There's a loud cough as a bigger ginger cat pushes past her gently. It's Firestar, Squirrelflight's father. "Ashfur, what happened? Was it the roges?" there's no denying that he looks concerned. I swallow hard, staring at him straight in the eyes. It's all going to plan. I have Firestar's full attention. "I was... attacked," I choke. Squirrelflight rolls her eyes. "Yes, but by who? A hedgehog?" she snaps. I shake my head weakly. "No, by a ThunderClan cat," I whisper. There's a stunned silence as everyone takes in my words. I suddenly feel trapped, like a rabbit surrounded by hungry warriors. I probably deserve it, but if my plan goes well, I won't regret it. "Who?" Firestar demands. I give a shaky sigh, gazing at Squirrelflight in false sadness. Ferncloud asks me another question, but I pretend not to have heard her. There's no ''way ''that my littermate is going to ruin this for me! "Brambleclaw." Squirrel "Who?" my blood has turned to ice. I'm silently begging the pale gray tom to announce that it was all a joke, and that Brambleclaw wouldn't ever do something like that. But he's not joking; I can tell. I know Ashfur well, probably better than I know myself. He wouldn't lie to me. But Brambleclaw... he's ambitious. ''NO! I tell myself quickly. Brambleclaw isn't perfect, but he has a good heart. He'd never do something like that. He's a stuck-up bossy furball, but he wouldn't attack Ashfur. Ashfur must be lying. He has to be. "Brambleclaw is a good warrior, Ashfur. Are you sure..." Firestar frowns, but Ashfur cuts him off. His dark blue eyes are clouded over, like he's reliving an old battle scene. Which I guess, in a way, he is. "Smell the wounds, Firestar. Brambleclaw has no defence on his side! He's a traitor. He attacked me because I'm getting on so well with Squirrelflight; he even told me so! I wasn't meant to survive that attack. Look at these wounds; do you think a hedgehog did this to me?" the last part is directed at me. I shake my head desperately, even though there's no denying that Brambleclaw did this to him. But... why? Well, I know why now. But it's just so unlike him to attack a Clanmate. But he did, didn't he? "Where is he?" Firestar's expression is blank; the shock is obviously huge for him. His eyes are glazed over, like he's reliving the past. Maybe he's remembering the time that Tigerstar was first discovered a traitor; according to the stories, Bluestar found it hard to cope without him. Actually, she went insane. Will this happen to my father? (TBC) Category:Fan Fictions